so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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