I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
