So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
