You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
