yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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