why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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