I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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