Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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