do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
