I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize