FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
