I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
