I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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