Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
