I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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