After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
