I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
