I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You need Xanax blowdarts
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
