i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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