Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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