So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
