I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize