I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
