Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
