we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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