the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
