Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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