Buhtt sex?
where am i from again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
