I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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