I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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