So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How's work?
Spinning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
