if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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