i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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