The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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