Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
