she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My Higher Power is John Stamos
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
