Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
