the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
