do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
