dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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