At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
