i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
