he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
