i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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