I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
