NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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