Porn is love you can see.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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