somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
