If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
