I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
