I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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