I think i peed on brittanys purse
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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