Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
