The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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