what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
