sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
