You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
