K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
