I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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