My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i think my cat just said my name.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
