maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
