she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
