My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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