Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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