i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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