hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
