if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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