Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
