hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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