So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
