i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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