We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
