I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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