By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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