he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
