One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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