Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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