is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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