I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
