I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
