So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
