even my farts smell like vagina
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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