You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
