you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I die, sorry about rent.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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