He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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