i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
