weddingsv make me drug and hornr
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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