Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
