I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
