His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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