apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
