My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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