i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
