Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
