You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
