Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
