fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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