the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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