walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
