I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
