Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
