Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
