so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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