ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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