i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
