seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
