Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
