Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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