i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
4 words: hood of his car
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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