It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
