drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
