Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
