is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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