a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Someone shit on the floor
I need to stop coming to work sober
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
