Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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