I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
