Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Text me some of your sweat
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
