You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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