does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize