$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
