Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
