I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My cat gives me a boner
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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