you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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