Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
